then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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