lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
