Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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