3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I wish i was in the wii world.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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