you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
