Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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