I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
