Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i just google imaged poop.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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