haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
