Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
