I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize