brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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