Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
