just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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