Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Everything about him screamed your future.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Randomize
