You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
