im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
