Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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