I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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