Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
my poor anus
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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