You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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