Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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