I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
