omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
