So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
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