Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
