If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize