Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
