Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
