Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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