remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
