but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I intend to get homeless drunk
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
