Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
