I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
