I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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