Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
