I can tuck mytits in my pants
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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