apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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