Christians are straight up FREAKS
Porn is love you can see.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
