They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
