I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Houston, we have a squirter
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
