No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
