dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
