Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
