Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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