walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
