Farmville is her only friend.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
