So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
