I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
