I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
