Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
