Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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