4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
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