Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
