Betty ford says i'm here all night
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
