all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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